Free Marriage Advice Part 2 - Building Intimacy

Welcome to another installment of Free Marriage Advice. Again, let me state this disclaimer, I am not a licensed marriage counselor or professional therapist. What I give you in the area of advice comes not from formal training but principles I have obtained through almost 20 years of marriage.

Let me encourage you to read Free Marriage Advice in the order it was written. While these principles are not a sure fire cure for your marriage woes, they are very helpful. If you apply principle # 1 first then the others will be a little easier to swallow, so to speak. So, if you have not read Free Marriage Advice Part 1, then please click here.

Principle # 2 - Develop intimacy between each other..

Dictionary.com defines intimacy as, a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc

So intimacy in marriage can be defined as a close association that leads to a more detailed knowledge and deeper understanding of your spouse.

How can a husband and wife develop a deeper intimacy?

• Laugh together. In case you haven’t heard “laughter does the body good”. It can also do a marriage good as well. There have been studies that have shown how laughter can bring healing to your physical body. I believe that laughter can also bring healing to relationships. Keep in mind, this is not at each other but with each other.

• Share your dreams and goals. Remember when you first started dating how you could talk for hours about any and everything. Now it seems like if the conversation doesn’t center around the kids or finances there is nothing to talk about. I challenge you to set a time where you turn off the television and computer and have a dream sharing session. Open up and get to know one another again

• Begin dating. Now you may think this is crazy especially if you have been married for a minute like I have. But dating can be a great way to build intimacy back into your marriage relationship. The date doesn’t have to be lavish or expensive. Keep it simple as long as it is quality time together. Go to the local dairy queen for a coke or a cup of coffee. You might even consider splurging and share a banana split.

• Leave love notes for one another. Be gushy and romantic. Take this opportunity to tell your significant other you love them and then tell them why. If you are having trouble thinking of reasons why you love your spouse then take a moment to remember qualities that drew you to them in the first place. Think of things they do now that you appreciate. Do they put on a pot of coffee in the morning so everyone can start out their day with the boost of caffeine? Then acknowledge that, show your appreciation for that little act of kindness. You will be surprised the positive effect it will have on your marriage.

These are just a few ways that intimacy can be built and maintained. If nothing else this list can be a starting point for developing a stronger and healthier relationship. As you start out with these suggestions there may be other things that come to you to help build the intimacy in your relationship. Please feel free to comment and share those ideas with me.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. If you have enjoyed this or it has helped you in some way, again, please let me know via a comment. If you think it may help someone else, please feel free to pass it on.

Free Marriage Advice Part 1 - Keeping Communication Lines Open

I am not the director of any marriage counseling services nor have I written any marriage counseling books. I do not have a degree in marriage and relationship counseling neither am I a marriage therapist. What I am though is a man who has been married for almost twenty years and has learned a thing or two along the way. Unfortunately, I learned it the hard way. Not by sitting in a classroom on my way to becoming a marriage and family counselor, but by falling and failing my way to success. So think of this as your place for free marriage advice from a man who has received his degree from the School Of Hard Knocks.

I am often asked, “What does it take to make a marriage work?”

I wish I could give you a magical answer but I do not have any. What I can give you are principles I have learned the past two decades of marriage.

Principle # 1 - Develop Good Communication Skills.

I know this is no new revelation. Any marriage article you read will tell you communication is key to a healthy relationship. I mention it because it is a truth that can not be stressed enough.

Before we move on let me tell you what communication is not.

• It is not screaming, hollering and cursing.
• It is not telling everyone but your spouse how you feel..
• It is not minimizing your spouses feelings or degrading them to make you feel better.

*KEYS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION*

• Truthful and tactful. - I feel it necessary to join these two together. Many people use the guise of truthfulness as a means to be harmful in what they say. Be honest about how you feel without causing damage to your spouse and the relationship

• Motivated by love - The focus of communication in marriage should not be “winning” an argument but rather keeping the love between the two of you strong and intact.

• Timing. Knowing when to say something is often as important as knowing what to say.

• Open-Mindedness - We all like to think we are right. Effective communication requires that we be open minded to the feelings, opinions and concerns of others.

• Consistency - If you and your spouse communicate with each other on a consistent basis it will allow the lines of communication to always be open. Upon doing this you will have laid the ground work for a successful marriage.

I hope you have enjoyed the first installment of Free Marriage Advice. Before you leave, be sure to leave a comment and tell me what you think of this article. And while you’re at it, check out some of my other articles on Marriage and Building Healthy Relationships.